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Category Archives: Life unfolding

What is tugging at my desire to learn more these days

Pardon me for just jotting stuff that seems random, but I’m starting to recognize a kind of loop of interests I keep cycling through, and I’m wondering if writing them out will help me define an uber-interest within the loop.

They all have to do with congregational health, which should be no surprise, since I work as and consider it my calling to be a Specialized Transitional Minister.

When I first did some reading on the distinction between Adaptive Change and Technical Change, I saw something vividly valid w.r.t. church vitality. I saw that we tend as individuals (The Flesh) and institutions to naturally move toward the stasis and predictability and comfort of Technical maintenance. It was clear that after a time of that, as the world around the church changes, a time comes where that approach begins to limit gospel sharing effectiveness. The only way to cycle out of that seems, historically, to require significant upheaval, and in worst cases Death of churches so room can be made for something newly speaking gospel to the culture. One question related to this is: Can Adaptive movement be made part of the ‘makeup’ or DNA of the church? That way the upheaval comes in smaller waves. There is another question that I will get back to.

I next began to learn to pay attention to organizational anxiety. I began to see how a pocket of anxiety can spread, and how it can paralyze an organization or institution, keeping it from making sensible or well discerned decisions. It can keep a church from being healthy, it can spread negativity, create fear of any proposal that moves toward the Adaptive. And it seems that often the people in it do not see what is happening. The right dose of anxiety however, at the right time, can also motivate toward the Adaptive. Attention to that systemic dynamic became part of my reflecting on church health.

Most of my life I’ve had opportunity to observe my own Immigrant subculture. This was enhanced by a move to Europe as an 8 year old child, and then a return to Canada a few years later. A theme that kept surfacing, sometimes in very difficult ways, was the wounding done by our love for what we considered to be reason and good doctrinal answers. This cerebral emphasis on the expression of our faith by way of knowledge of doctrine carried with it a pervasive suspicion of emotion and testimonial experience. Over time, in my adult years, as I learned about this through reading and hearing people’s stories, and worked to sort out parts of my own upbringing, I came to see that aside from what I just stated, WWII had severely traumatized many in my parents generation. This deepened how far emotions were pressed down. Some – based on my own amateur assessment – would probably have qualified as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. But such diagnoses did not exist in that day, and people were pressed to ‘soldier on, in faith.’ Those who immigrated to new lands often seem to have had their own family drama reasons for choosing to do so. For eg. they may have been the least favoured child or the black sheep. The immigration itself was massively traumatic on its own for many. The demands of a hardscrabble existence on first arriving here were extremely taxing. And few – if any – had places (or times) where they could ‘process’ those feelings. Working at an addiction treatment center I learned a new piece, namely that a serious childhood or early adolescent trauma that no one helped a person work through would stunt emotional development in individuals. I came to recognize that many who were working to come out of active addiction had such traumas, and were emotionally still eight or twelve years old. Putting this together with the Immigrant experience, I began to formulate an “Unresolved Trauma” theory regarding the Immigrant generation and my own, second generation. It appears to have been helpful to leaders in ‘troubled’ congregations to learn that the 70 year old who is upset about a change might just be reacting to it out of unhealed past trauma, and with behaviour we would expect from an eight year old.

Another strand in this loop of thought is a more recent concern to research whether the perception that ‘hard separations’ (Mainly Article 17 of our Church Order) between pastors and congregations are dramatically increasing in the last decades. Preliminary digging in the data confirms this. I  have a deep interest in both exploring if there are common causes or mitigating factors in these, aiming to find early preventative alarm systems that can be put in place but also in finding healing from the often deeply painful impact on all involved. This in itself would be a lifelong endeavor.

Now, those being givens, when my mind automatically fingers it way through them like prayer beads, I now and then get a sense of a ‘string’ that is holding all those beads together. Yet I can never quite name it. I just keep coming up with questions and theories, not much by way of answers. So, for example, is the unresolved emotional factor what creates much of the anxiety in congregations? Is the radical change of immigration and fear of yet more change a primary force in not allowing our congregations to make necessary Adaptive changes? Are those two – emotional immaturity in senior members and their fear of change – a major contributor to the hard separations? And so on.

Theologically I also believe there is a link between Adaptive Change and what the Bible refers to as a “New Heart.” I also refer to it as Deep Change. I feel a need to do further Theological exploration of that, in which some of the secular writing on the subject can be shown to effectively interlace with God putting a New Heart within us and the Spirit directing us into risk.

So, there, I did it. I jotted out what loops in my mind.

 

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It is good to hear a terrible (to you) sermon now and then

One Sunday recently when I was in Central America I attended an English (Gringo) service hosted by the Spanish (Tico) congregation my brother and his wife and other gringo missionaries in the area are part of.

These Gringos (mainly my brother’s family and another family) are involved with setting up a Christian Private school, and have roles in running an addiction treatment ministry, and helping out in a ministry that takes young girls out of the sex trade and teaches them English so they can get jobs in the regular tourist trade and support their families that way instead. It is all great ministry and all three are growing. The lady who was in charge of the Addiction treatment facility has been there 10 years, and clearly has deep connections, relationship and respect from the Ticos. She showed me the Saturday market, and it took us quite some time to walk from one end to the other with all the hello’s and greetings and meetings we had on the way. That respect seems to be the fruit of a combination of her personality and a factor of having put in a long time in the community. All three missions, and even the Gringo congregation, had stories about the difficulty of getting government permits in writing. The more I heard and saw, the more I think it has to do with an innocent, well-meaning arrogance Gringos bring with them, that the Ticos see and smell but that is inodible (I made that word up spellchecker) to the carriers of it. I have developed this radar that is always asking “What am I communicating that I am blind to” and that radar leads me to that awareness.

Back to the worship service. When you are not at home you expect to experience something different. I did. I was not prepared to be so disturbed by a sermon though.

The ‘pattern’ of worship there is to start with a set of worship songs that move from enthusiastic, to pensive, to a ‘pentecostal’ mood and then finishing with a rousing chorus repeated multiple times. After that came announcements, offering, and then the message to close the service.

It began with the obvious challenge of musicians leading us in worship using their second language. I was deeply appreciative of the musicians (the great drummer was only 12 and had been drumming since he was 4) being willing to risk this as hosts. When you are worshiping in a second language, and you get to the part of worship where you usually lose yourself in adoration and pentecostal praise, reverting to your mother tongue is understandable. Meaning it’s ok with me as a Gringo, even if I can’t understand. And yes, the irony of reverting to one’s first language in a “Pentecost” moment is rich and wonderful for a Reformed guy to observe.
The musicians finished and left.
At that point the congregated are all older but-able-to-travel-and-be-active Americans, and my brother’s young family, and the lady from the addiction treatment center and her young son and teen daughter.
Then some announcements.
Then the pastor asks someone to come forward to tell of some mission work they do. It’s a near 60 yr old builder guy from Tennessee or some place like that, who tells of his conversion 6 years before, and how he a year later felt God telling him to go to poor countries and build houses to North American specs (double pane windows) and ready for plumbing and electric if the people want to put them in later (but no one does) to give them away. He tells of how it has grown, and how they’ve done 12 houses now, and if you want support or be part of a team etc etc etc. And I was wondering how helpful that kind of thing really is, but when he asked for questions I stayed quiet. I’m a guest. I don’t want to make trouble for my brother and his wife’s reputation. I had already asked some pointed questions at the open house for the new home some of the same people had built that was to be a group home for the girls who had been rescued from their pimps. Questions like “What do you do to be careful to respect their cultural patterns, like their more lax approach to time, (which I admire and envy) and not turn them into little American Northern Europeans? And in fact could that be one of the resistance factors in getting government permits?” Like that. It’s what I do. But I began to realize these people were not used to thinking that way, and didn’t really understand what was behind the question… they are convinced they are doing a good thing (and they are) and don’t understand why not everyone rushes in to support it.
So I stayed still in church.
Then the scripture was read.
Hebrews 11:6, which we were told was a context where the writer was talking about faith: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
The word “earnestly” or “diligently” became the focal point of a sermon that substantially was a contrasting of lazy and diligent, with a long string of “definition of lazy” jokes being the counterpoint to the diligence. “When the remote is 10 feet away and you decide you like the rerun after all… that’s laziness and not diligence” that kind of thing.
The theme statement or big idea seemed to be “Work hard, don’t be lazy, and you will please God enough that things will work out for you” with the caveat that a prosperity gospel was not what was being preached. There was no caveat about works righteousness.
Very soon I began realizing that my experience of the faith journey, and my understanding of the passage, was completely different than his. My experience was that a certain kind of ‘trying hard’ that he was describing, for me almost always led to problems, and that a recognition that my effort was not the key but my relaxing into God’s will for the moment led to all kinds of great results my efforts had little to do with. I saw and heard the passage saying “Faith in God leads to God being pleased, coming to God in belief leads to pleasing God, earnestly seeking relationship with God leads to rewards that are freaky and wonderful and amazing and unimaginable beforehand.
So there I was, believing the complete opposite of what he was preaching. And I was seeing how a message like this was perpetuating the inodible problems and barriers. And I was frustrated.
Now, that all would have been workable, if this was not a “call for response” insecure preacher. But, alas, he kept asking “are you with me? Let me hear an Amen!” and at my toughest point he directly asked “Do you agree with me? I need to hear if you agree with me!” and I made myself look over at my brother’s family and think about what damage I might do to their work there if I told out loud what I was thinking and feeling, and I kept quiet.
Later, when I had time at the poolside to reflect, I came to realize how important it is to hear a bad sermon now and then, how it can sharpen your awareness of God’s ways.

 

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Being evitcelfeR

I feel reflective today. I can’t move forward on my to do list, distracting myself with a computer game or housework isn’t making it go away, so I’m honouring the feeling by letting it speak through my fingertips in this post.

The most powerful drive in the grateful reflectiveness is in how strongly I sense that God has me doing and learning a kind of pastoral work that is quite well suited to my interests and character, nurtured well by my backstory (somewhat especially by the difficult parts), and how this work is a clear need in the church local and at large. Being in that kind of place vocationally, calling-ally, is a weighty, light-of-heart making privilege. Earning a full paycheque again after four years of underemployed subsistence living — some of it in a paradise that I miss deeply some days — well it ain’t so bad either. Somehow the equation always balances.

Soup in the cupboard... all's good!

Good soup filling the cupboard... All's souper!

The downside is not big enough to unbalance the situation — otherwise I’d need to make a change. So too, now, the downside of distance is not dissonant enough to be hugely disturbing, largely because technology eliminates much of the geographic distance. Other distances would be there even with physical proximity, so geography does not matter.

So it is interesting to me too that this blog is the place I felt it most appropriate to express this. Thoughts of sharing it on other popular social media felt like a cheapening. Hmmm. As it is I struggle more and more with my involvement with those places. I do not like how much information I ‘give’ them in order to get a ‘free’ service that I am feeling more and more has price that I can’t yet see. I am letting them analyze me, box me in, and feed me ads that are supposed to be tailored to my interests, but when they show up I am creeped out. Is it really free if they have chosen what I see because their alogarythm thinks it knows the beat of my inner heart? Doubt it. I certainly resent that they believe so. Anyway, I can blog about that another time. I’ve said the main thing I set out to say. God has me in a good spot work-wise and for that I’m grateful. There’s more narrative and substance to that feeling, but that’s what the button called “New Post” and the blank page is for that comes after pressing it.

 
 

Something got me thinking (again)

The writings of Lesslie Newbigin – when I encountered them at Seminary in the early 90’s – were, like the talks I’d heard by Tony Campolo in the late 80’s, something that resonated harmoniously in my inner being. They harmonized confusing notes that were bouncing around there. When Brian McLaren first started publishing, I read almost everything he wrote up to about the year 2002, and his questions and provocations too resonated with some of mine. But I saw also that to run with his thinking would be dangerous. So, due to that awareness and a number of other things, I stopped reading him.

Saturday, browsing the qideas website in a time of work avoidance (or, to say it justifyingly: Waiting for my sermon to ripen in my brain before writing it out) I took in two things in sequence, and saw a strong connection.

First, I read a great article by Micheal Goheen on Newbegin:

http://www.qideas.org/blog/the-lasting-legacy-of-lesslie-newbigin.aspx

in which he wrote:

the mission of God’s people is undermined when it is compromised by cultural idolatry. Newbigin believed that this is exactly what happened to the Western church; it is an “advanced case of syncretism.” A missionary encounter requires that the church embody its comprehensive story over against the cultural story. This encounter is eclipsed when the church allows its story to be accommodated into the cultural story. Thus, it is necessary to analyze Western culture and understand its religious foundation.

Newbigin wrote that “incomparably the most urgent missionary task for the next few decades is . . . to probe behind the unquestioned assumptions of modernity and uncover the hidden credo which supports them.” He quotes a Chinese proverb: “If you want to know about water don’t ask a fish.” Western Christians are unaware of the religious beliefs of their culture because they are swimming in it all the time. They are too easily seduced by the myths of a Christian culture or of a neutral secular or pluralistic culture. Western culture, however, is neither Christian nor neutral—it is shaped by a false religious credo.

And then I watched this video of Brian McLaren being asked some tough direct questions and struggling to explain that he’s trying to examine the (Greco-Roman)”Christianity from outside of it’s regular paradigm and so has difficulty answering questions that come from within that paradigm. And I thought: He’s doing what Newbigin said. He’s trying to step out of the water of G-R Christianity (I enjoy the fact that the initials are going to bring something else to mind) and is trying to swim in a Jesus stream instead.

http://www.qideas.org/video/conversations-on-being-a-heretic.aspx

I have some sympathy and admiration for him doing that. I think it is essential that we have people willing and able to do that in Christendom.

 

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R-1 (US non-immigrant Religious Worker) Visa Delay for Canadians.

I’m a Canadian CRC pastor transitioning into becoming a Specialized Transitional Minister (STM) who has accepted an invitation to cross the border to serve a church in Iowa. The crossing-the-border part of that has not gone well, so I am currently in limbo, having been refused entry to the US as a Canadian because my R-1 Visa was not complete at the time I tried to cross. This left me homeless and unemployed for, at the time of writing, almost 2 months already. Anyone planning to make a similar crossing will benefit from knowing the difficulty and delays the church and I have encountered. Sharing the story here, it is my hope to prevent others from experiencing the same disappointing delays.

Since I previously had an R-1 in 2007 when I worked as an Interim Pastor in Washington State for 6 months, I thought I had a good idea what was going to be expected to get a new one. But I later learned that in late fall 2010 the process was changed to become more complicated and require more detailed application filing and information about both the person wanting to come in, but also from the church applying to have a Canadian come work with them. The biggest change though is in the time it takes to process the application.

If what you have read so far feels like it may be relevant for you or someone you know, then you will be interested in reading a full account of the most pertinent steps and details here below. I will likely also create a separate, more personalized and reflective blog posting about the experience of such a delay.

Late in the fall of 2010, living in the Nanaimo area of Vancouver Island, I began conversing with a church in Iowa about coming to serve there as an STM. In January 2011 I visited there, and by March 2 had accepted their invitation to come. I found a website guide to the process of getting the requisite R-1 (Religious worker) Visa,* purchased the forms, sent the church their copy and we began the process of applying.

* I should note that I later realized this was not an official government site. I don’t think it had bearing on what we encountered, but it is worth knowing. I don’t recall ever finding an official government site from which to obtain the forms and a process guide. If someone knows one, it would be good to provide a link to it via a comment.

I’d had an R-1 in 2007 so I had some vague idea what we did then to get it, mainly getting some official letters and presenting them at the US border as I crossed, where an R-1 card was stapled into my passport. This website showed a somewhat more involved process, as the requirements had been changed late in 2010. By mid-March I had the parts of the application (I-129) that related to me done (one of the specific details you need to track down is exactly how your parents’ names are printed on their passports! So it can take some time to gather it all), and by March 28 the government offices in California had received the more than a dozen page completed application (I -129) from the congregation along with it’s numerous supporting documents.

Along the way of completing this process, we ran into both vague information and information that appeared to be wrong, though we only realize that in hindsight. The vagueness came from there being very little information – or varying information – as to how long the steps of the process would take and exactly what steps were required. The wrong information was in things like the documents indicating I had to make an appointment with the nearest US Embassy once all applications were in, so that the process could be finalized in an interview. When I tried to set up the appointment with the nearest US Embassy in Canada, both online and through the automated calling system, I was told that the R-1 Visa did not call for an in-person interview. However, it did not tell me what was needed. Here is a screen capture of the page I was led to from the US Embassy site in Vancouver on March 29, 2011:

I found a way to phone the Embassy and speak to a person, and was told to take my documents and present them at the border. The man I spoke to reviewed with me the list of required documents. I had all those documents already. I do recall him mentioning a “government packet of information” I should be receiving related to the church’s application, but not that it was an important part of what I needed. Wanting to verify doubly, I called the folks at the border (US Customs and Border Protection) and the lady I spoke to verified that what I had in hand was enough to cross.

So, believing all was good to go, I packed a U-Haul and left my home April 9th. But when I got to the border south of Lethbridge Alberta around mid April I was denied entry to the US because the church’s application needs to be approved before I cross and I need to have the resulting document, called an I-797 proving that when I cross. One shock had already come when I was underway. In that time we got access to an “application tracking” website, and were astonished to see that they projected it would take 2 months for the application received March 28th to be processed!Below is a screen capture of the top part of the tracking page. I’ve created an empty block to cover our receipt number (we don’t need a whole continent of CRCers checking it). I do not have a capture of when it showed a 2 month wait on the bottom half.

The result was that I was now homeless and incomeless, with no idea exact idea how long it would take to finalize this process, but knowing it was now likely to be another month and a half of waiting at the veryleast.
As I write this, I’ve been in this holding pattern for a month and a half already. Meanwhile, I noticed a change in the tracking site information to
worse news sometime in mid-May when it began to look like this:

Our application is at the California Service Center, and where it had shown a time expectation of 2 months, it was now showing 5!

We don’t know exactly how to interpret this. It is debatable if it means our application is now expected to take 5 months to process from the March 28th receipt date or if it means applications that came in after March 31, 2011 can expect 5 months, but ours still is under the 2 it used to show. It is hard to assess how long we have yet to wait.

I have family near where I got turned back, so I became the homeless, unemployed boomerang Dad-with-dog on my son’s couch for a time, and also at my brother’s place.

Fortunately and providentially, right now, I have found a couple of pastorless churches to do some preaching at that should keep me busy serving the Kingdom and the CRC and being useful in some small capacity until sometime into June and possibly July if it takes that long.

After encountering several different anecdotal accounts of similar trials – it seems lots of people have heard of a pastor who this kind of thing has happened to – I feel a strong need to get the word out about my delay so that others can be better informed than I was and can avoid such problems. If even one person can avoid this problem because they read my story here on the Network, it will have been worthwhile to share it.

If anyone reading this has either a similar experience or has some better information or advice, your input via comments will be appreciated by anyone investigating such a move from Canada to the US.

Pastor Pete VanderBeek, June 6, 2011 — Currently biding God’s and the US government’s and his time in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.


 

George Holecz and God

There are stories nestled within stories here. I mainly feel compelled to tell the story of a man named George Holecz who I came to know briefly and somewhat indirectly.
George’s story unfolds within a context of a group of men who were a big part of my journey and that group of men — self-described and nicknamed as “Zealous for the Word” existed in a context of a church in Nanaimo BC.
I can see no way of sharing George’s story without telling about the context, since God used the context to create the story.
If you can visualize a story as an egg, Christ Community Church (CCC) in Nanaimo is the shell, the men’s group is the egg white, and George’s story is the yolk in the center.
I like to use yolk, because it can easily sound like joke (especially coming off the tongues of folks with Dutch accents). And there is a good measure of God’s joke here — God’s playful sense of humour. George mirrored some of that playful sense in his character. The outer context loop or shell is a story that shows me that in the Kingdom of God “what goes around comes around” or “you never know where an obedient, faith-driven action will lead.” George’s journey came into that shell and if you know a bit about how God sometimes works these loop stories, it makes sense there and brings glory to God even more because of the context. One central narrative line is how George went from recipient in the story, to participant and contributor, but the most striking one to me is how he has gone from being perpetually homeless-by-choice to going to his eternal-chosen-home. I hope I’ve not given it all away in this brief description and that you will still enjoy a tale of how God can work to bring people home.

Either of these links should take to you to the story: or else just click on the underlined text here:

http://wp.me/P4R5s-6o

https://pastorpete.wordpress.com/lifelessons/homeless-by-choice-george-holecz-and-his-journey-home/

 

Rolling

After two days of loading and deciding what came and what stayed, the rig was ready to roll. The picture was taken just before I hopped in and we drove off.

Loaded and ready to leave Moorecroft

Last pic before leaving