Monthly Archives: May 2017

I’ve been long wondering about the corelation between emotional maturity and spiritual maturity. This talks about that:

quoted from an electronic edition of


by Peter Scazerro

Chapter 9

Grow into an Emotionally Mature Adult

[People] need practical skills incorporated into their spiritual formation to grow out of emotional infancy into emotional adulthood. It is easy to grow physically into a chronological adult. It is quite another to grow into an emotional adult. Many people may be, chronologically, forty-five years old but remain an emotional infant, child, or adolescent.

The question then is: How do I distinguish between them? The following is a brief summary of each.


  • Look for others to take care of them

  • Have great difficulty entering into the world of others

  • Are driven by need for instant gratification

  • Use others as objects to meet their needs


  • Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want

  • Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials

  • Interpret disagreements as personal offenses

  • Are easily hurt

  • Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, become sarcastic when they don’t get their way

  • Have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way


  • Tend to often be defensive

  • Are threatened and alarmed by criticism

  • Keep score of what tehy give so they can ask for something in return

  • Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a third party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely

  • Become preoccupied with themselves

  • Have great difficulty truly listening to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs

  • Are critical and judgemental


  • Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer—clearly, directly, honestly

  • Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings

  • Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial

  • Respect others without having to change them

  • Give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect

  • Appreciate people for who they are—the good, bad, and ugly– not for what they give back

  • Accurately assess their own limits, strengths, and weaknesses and are able to freely discuss them with others

  • Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world and able to enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves

  • Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others

… … … 

Emotional Maturity and conflict

Ignoring Conflict–False Peacemaking

A tragically misinterpreted verse in the New Testament is Jesus Proclamation: “blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). Most people think that Jesus calls us in this verse to be pacifiers and appeasers who ensure that nobody gets upset. We are to keep the peace ignoring difficult issues and problems, making sure things remain stable and serene.

When, out of fear, we avoid conflict and appease people, we are false peacemakers.

… … … 

The problem … is that the way of true peace will never come through pretending what is wrong is right! True peacemakers love God, others, and themselves enough to disrupt false peace. Jesus models this for us.

Embracing Conflict–The Path to True Peace

Conflict and trouble were central to the mission of Jesus. He disrupted the false peace all around him–in the lives of his disciples, the crowds, the religious leaders, the Romans, those buying and selling in the temple. He taught that true peacemaking disrupts false peace even in families: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, daughter against her mother, daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law–a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household'” (Matthew 10:34 – 36).

Why? You can’t have the true peace of Christ’s Kingdom with lies and pretense. They must be exposed to the light and replaced with the truth. This is the mature, loving thing to do.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus explains to us the characteristics we need to display if we are to engage in true peacemaking–poverty of spirit, meekness, purity of heart, mercy, etc. (Matthew 5:3-11). He also follows the call to true peacemaking by stating that persecution will follow for those of us who follow him in this.

None-the-less, unresolved conflicts are one of the greatest tensions in Christians’ lives today. Most of us hate them. We don’t know what to do with them. Instead of risking any more broken relationships, we prefer to ignore the difficult issues and settle for a “false peace,” hoping against hope they will somehow go away. They don’t. And we all learn, sooner or later, that you can’t build Christ’s Kingdom on lies and pretense. Only the truth will do.

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Posted by on May 29, 2017 in Uncategorized